God's work

So my four year wedding anniversary was this past weekend, Sunday, June 14. Yes, I was married on Flag Day. Anyhow, so four years ago yesterday, me and Ronnie got married on the beach in Ocho Rios, Jamaica. So much has happened in four years, it feels like it was a lifetime ago.

I frequently joke about marriage, telling me unmarried friends "never get married!" but I love my husband to death and would marry him all over if I had it to do over. However, I don't think I would have bothered with the wedding reception.... My parents didn't really dig the destination wedding, and even offered to give us money instead. Four years later, I think I would still go to Jamaica, though. You only get married once (at least I plan on only once), and you should do it the way you want.

Obviously, I have blogged about our financial disability of recent. Ronnie wanted to go out to eat yesterday. Around six or seven, we were having a conversation about it. I didn't want to spend what little money we have (for gas and groceries and so forth) on eating out, so I was trying to convince him that we can choose another day to celebrate this year. He didn't really buy that idea, and the conversation ended without a conclusive plan either way.

Not even ten minutes later, my mom called. This was unexpected as I knew she had gone to the Sunday evening Mass, so I was not expecting her to call. So, she calls, and tells me that she wants to take me and Ronnie out to dinner for our wedding anniversary. I was floored. Seriously, if that is not God's hand in our lives, I don't know what is. So, we debated where to go before decided on the Swinging Door, where we had a delightful, delicious dinner with my mom and her boyfriend.

I think I have blogged here about being worried about Ronnie telling me he doesn't believe in God anymore. I talked to him about it, I think it was after my mom called, but before they got to our house. "Who do you think had a hand in that?" I asked him. "You." He responded. "No," I replied, "I thought about it, but mom had told me earlier that she was going to the Sunday evening Mass, and I couldn't remember whether it was 5:30 or 6:30. No, that was God's hand." He didn't respond, so I continued. "Why else would she have called so soon after we had that conversation?"

I don't know if it has affected him or his faith, but I certainly hope so. God works in mysterious ways. I sincerely believe that our current issues are due to the lack of worship on our parts. I just don't really know how to change that, especially if Ronnie doesn't want to. It's awfully far to the Church I grew up in, but we don't have any roots in any churches closer. I've talked to him about a nearby non-denominational church that several friends as well as family members attend, but Ronnie wants a Catholic church. I need to find us a Catholic parish and remember their Mass times on Sunday.

I will do better in the future. In fact, I will look them up right now and print it out....

It's Friday

I wonder why companies even have employees stay at work on Friday afternoons. It's not like anyone does anything (unless they can't help it -- for example, when I interviewed children, if there were children there, I HAD to interview them, regardless of whether I felt like actually working).

I guess technically I haven't been terribly productive all day, not just this afternoon. I did some filing, I did some shredding, I made a couple of phone calls, and I spent some time getting a pep talk from my boss. You would THINK maybe she gave me a pep talk because she wants more work out of me, but that's not the case. She gets plenty of work out of me, it's just a down time right now.

So why is it some people are so exasperating? I hate it when anyone talks about me behind my back, regardless of whether they are saying I am a skank or that I look pretty today. I don't like it. There is someone in my life right now who was rude to me, and now she is mad at me. I am a little puzzled by it all. Is it because I got tired of being treated that way and told her "if you're going to be like that you can just leave" my office? Is it because someone I have no respect for and no use for told her some lies? I think she just resents me. I'm not sure why, but I have some theories. Before this all blew up, whenever she would make a "remark" to me, it always tasted resentful to me.

So what should I do about it? Frankly, I have lost respect her and now have no use for her personally as well. But, she is someone I work with, and I don't think it will be completely possible to completely disregard her. My boss tells me to kill her with kindness. But it's hard to kill someone with kindness when they completely disregard your existence. So, do I sit down with her and "talk" about it? Ugh, please, gouge out my eyes with a dull, rusty spoon.

Today at lunch I actually talked to her. We were watching All My Children (which I solely watch in order to make fun of it), and this one girl's son is having heart surgery, and she is at home in bed explaining to her older son that she has too many "toys" and she doesn't know which one to choose (i.e. men). Ridiculous! So I said "What kind of mom would be in bed at home when their son is having heart surgery? NAME, what do you think?" She grumbled some response. I have no idea what it was, but that doesn't matter. It was very anxiety provoking for me to do that at all, and look, I did it!

I also learned this morning she told my boss something I had told her in confidence. I have been wanting to tell my boss, but could just never find the words. So, suspecting that she had gone and blabbed about it, I just told her this morning, and she told me that she did indeed tell her, but only about 3-4 weeks ago, when she has known about it for a while. Puzzling. I don't know how I feel about that. I have been wanting to tell Vickie (my boss), but I didn't know how, so I wasn't angry that she knew. But, it wasn't this other person's information to give, and that kinda upsets me. It was my place to tell people, not hers.

There's been a bunch of other drama that really upset me this week and even hurt my feelings. I'm over it now. Well, most of it. I've realized that just because you hold yourself up to a certain standard, it doesn't mean other people do. All a person really has is their reputation and integrity, and I worry mine has been tarnished this week through no fault of my own. But, the people who really matter, they don't listen to the smears and padded insults of others, so I don't think I should really waste my energy worrying about it.

I have always been a tomboy, someone who does not "fit in" with a bunch of females. I don't care about my clothes, and I only wear makeup to make my eyes even prettier. I would rather spend my money on gadgets, DVDs, and video games. I'd rather spend my time playing video games or reading Lord of the Rings than gossiping with other women or watching Entertainment Tonight. Unfortunately, I work in a field that is predominantly female, and my need for socialization seems to outweigh my need to isolate myself (both are very strong pulls for me). I wonder, if it would be easier to just cut myself off, and not participate in social activities (where invariably I find myself listening to other conversations as I do not seem to know how to function in a large group), but I always seem to get drawn in. Opposing forces, I suppose. Alcohol always seems to help as well. Self-medication more likely.

If someone else has figured it out, please let me know. I can use all the help I can get. It's too bad people aren't more like my pugs. Or my cats. Or my prairie dogs. Or my flying squirrels. I know how to deal with them. Mostly, you bribe them to like you with their favorite food. Or, any food in the case of my female pug....

They're flying now!

Taken Monday 6/8/2009

Taken Tuesday.

Taken today.

Bird on a wire

Earlier this week, our Psychologist, Brent, discovered a bird's nest with five baby birds under the awning of our building. Conveniently, this nest is right outside his office window....

It has been fascinating this week watching these birds. I am amazed at how much they have grown in just a couple of days. When we first discovered the nest, they each had plenty of room. Now, they are all situated sideways and top of one another. Which made us concerned that they would soon be hopping out of the nest. They are fully covered with feathers, and that is next step of their lives, but we worried about them falling onto the hard (hot!) concrete below!

I brainstormed this idea with my mom, the only bird expert I know. We discussed what the birds looked like and she tried to help me figure out what kind of bird they were (unfortunately, my recollection of the adult bird was not very accurate). I went to take another look, and stopped to ask my boss if they knew what kind of bird it was, only to learn after discussing this for about a half hour with my mom, they already knew the answer! A barn swallow.

Anyhow, back to the problem of the babies falling on the concrete. My mom suggested we put some hay down, but we are all city folk, we don't happen to keep hay laying around. Ok, TECHNICALLY I do have some hay at home, but that is expensive (comparably) hay for my prairie dogs to EAT. I discussed the problem with my brilliant boss, who came up with the fantastic idea of using shredded paper! But, we have a new problem, won't it blow away and make a mess? Again, my boss came up with the solution of putting the shredded paper in a box. So, then I was worried to babies wouldn't be able to hop out, but she suggested a paper box top which is shallow enough, especially with the shredded paper, for them to easily hop out.

Another fascination is to watch the mother and father swoop in and feed these babies. They do it while hovering like a hummingbird, as it's been a while since there was any room for THEM in the nest. They swoop in, somehow choose one of five crying, hungry babies to feed, and fly off just as quickly! For a while, we were concerned that the baby on the far left (whom we named Special Ed) wasn't getting fed. But, eventually he moved over further to the right and got some lunch.

Yesterday I was watching them when one of them did the funniest thing. He turned around, put his tail over the edge of the nest, and pooped OUT of the nest! Incredible! This baby bird has better toileting skills then my four year old pug, Pippin! Of course, this has created a large pile of poop on the concrete below, but there are worse things. Besides, who wants to live in a poopie nest?

The sad thing is, they probably won't be there when we come in on Monday. I think they are growing way to fast to stay in the nest through the weekend. I worry about what will happen to them when they leave the nest. Too big for the nest, but still inadequate fliers, this is the most dangerous part of any bird's life.

I have some pictures we will post. I've learned a lot from these little baby birds.

New Team

So, maybe a month ago, I went to the Wharton County CRCG Meeting. No, I cannot tell you what CRCG stands for, but I can explain the concept. Basically, a bunch of representatives from community agencies get together and brainstorm possible resources or placements for children with behavior problems. While there, I met a lady from the Department of State Health Services, who described several projects they were trying to get off the ground. One of these was a Wharton County Child Fatality Review Team Meeting.

After the meeting, I spoke with her and volunteered for the Child Fatality Review Team. I have a history in the field of child abuse as well as mental retardation/developmental disabilites, and I thought I would be an asset to their team.

She called me back today, and invited me to the next meeting, on June 11th. My schedule was clear, so I accepted. I got permission from my boss (who probably thinks I am crazy for WANTING to be on that kind of team)....

I am super excited! I have always wanted to be on a Child Fatality Review Team! As far as I know, Fort Bend does not have one (although Houston/Harris County does -- Fort Bend might have in the past, and maybe they do now, it's been almost 2 years since I was in the "know."). I doubt that Wharton County will have any "sexy" cases, more likely kids getting hit by a car and discussing the need for a stop sign, but I am excited. It's a great way to network, learn about other resources, and have a chance to make a difference for a child, which is what I am all about.

People often ask me if I miss interviewing children. For a long time, I did. A couple of months ago, I was called to testify in a criminal case in Harris County on a child I had interviewed shortly before leaving the field. When I went downtown and reviewed the recorded interview, I was surprised at my feelings. I was GLAD I didn't do that anymore. All the other times I have reviewed my interviews, I always felt sad that I didn't do that anymore since I was so good at it.

When I left CAFB, it wasn't really my idea to leave the child abuse field. But, I didn't want to work for CPS, and you can imagine the demand for "Child Forensic Interviewers." I interviewed with Harris County's CAC, and got pretty far in the process, but they didn't pick me.

Anyhow, I have missed working with children (if not interviewing them), and I have missed that feeling that I am making a difference for a CHILD. This opportunity will allow me to get that feeling again, and I am super stoked!

Things that irritate me....

Ok, be prepared. This is probably going to be long....

• Stupid people
• Stupid questions (yes, there is such a thing)
• Nosy people
• People who think they are smart but are not
• Theresa after the Rod Ryan show
• Confrontation
• People who do not appreciate subtlety
• People who take our their frustrations on other people
• People who do not respect animals
• People who do not respect the environment
• Flat out lies
• People who stick with their flat out lies
• Bill O'Reilly
• When you have to show someone how to do the same thing multiple times
• People who need help with everything
• People who cannot do anything on their own
• People who cannot make decisions
• People who think they need a significant other to have a complete life
• Hunting
• Hunters who think they are conservationists
• People who do not realize Texas/Texans are better than they are
• When my DVDs are not in alphabetical order
• People who treat kids like they are stupid just because they are kids
• People who do not take any interest in technology
• Movies that ruin the book
• When you can tell something is CG at a movie
• The ads that tell you not to talk during movies
• People who do not understand alternative music
• People who call alternative music noise
• Providers who call me for referrals
• When the security guard at the RSS makes me sign in
• When the security guard at the RSS gives me a VISITOR PASS
• People who always have to respond to every little thing on your facebook
• People who put themselves ahead of their kids
• People who don't listen
• People who talk too much
• Inconsistency
• People who try to manipulate me
• Apple/Mac brand
• Wal-Mart
• Two-facedness
• Backstabbing
• Lack of loyalty
• Firewalls that block the websites you visit

Reconciliations

Sometimes you have to put your pride aside.

For nearly a year I have had very little contact with my mother. This was my decision. I don't approve of her boyfriend, who has a very shady past, and I have found him to be very manipulative. I will keep it at that as I can write another whole blog on this issue, and I am really trying to get past it.

For nearly a year I have been criticized by just about everyone who I have told about the entire situation. I don't think I was wrong, I stand by my decision and I would still be on that path had I not decided to put my pride aside and reach out to her for help (see previous blog).

Of course, her assistance came with "strings attached."

This made me very angry as I was trying to reach out to her, to put aside my pride, and to repair our relationship. She asked me to do the very thing that had pretty much created this rift in the first place.

So, I put aside my pride, and I put aside my anger (which was infinitely more difficult, especially since I have been off my antidepressant/antianxiety meds for a year and a half) because I NEEDED her help, Ronnie NEEDED her help, we NEEDED her help.

So, she helped us. She gave us enough money to pay our phone bill, so that Ronnie will be able to get a job. She brought us food from her freezer and fresh vegetables from her garden. She took us out to eat on Friday, and then invited us for dinner on Sunday. She asked her neighbor to help us replace our brakes when we couldn't do it ourselves and couldn't afford to pay someone to fix it. She even paid him to do it. She gave us more vegetables from her garden, she gave us pickled peppers, pickles, and sweet pickles.

Our satellite service is still going to be turned off this week. This makes me sad, as one of my favorite shows, HBO's TrueBlood has a second season starting on the 14th, I think. It also makes me sad as I don't know when we will be able to afford to have it reconnected. But, satellite is a luxury we cannot afford right now (although it seems such a waste and an insult to our 62" DLP television). But, we have tons of movies and video games, and can still get the network channels, no matter how ugly the picture is. The other thing I am having to give up is Netflix. My beautiful beautiful Netflix..... I would marry my Netflix if I could, I love it soo.... But then I know that is how Ronnie feels about the Satellite service, so I guess I can survive....

Back to the point, reconciliations with my mom.... It wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected. I was actually glad to talk to my mom and spend time with her. Pippin was thrilled to see Nana and spend time with her. Maggie was pleased to meet her for the first time. Both Pippin and Maggie loved her vegetable garden, and they both love eating cherry tomatoes from her garden.

My cat, Krycek, still lives there. When I got married and moved out, I couldn't bear to take him away from my brother, whom Krycek still believes hung the moon. I was really sad as I spent hours there, and I hoped he would show up so I could tell him I miss him, but he must be really upset with me. That, or the dogs really had him rattled....

I guess the point I am trying to make is that I think I am glad that I put my pride and my anger aside and have started to rebuild this relationship. Ronnie lost his mother about six months before we met, and I know I am fortunate that she is still in this world. Not everyone is as lucky as me.