Thoughts on Being Broke

You know what? Being broke sucks. I know, nothing you didn't already know. I'm just tired of it. Tired of working and still being broke, not being able to pay bills, juggling which ones are paid, and begging for money from family. Well, technically Ronnie juggles the bill paying, while I do most of the begging for money. I probably have the short end of that stick....

So, what is the problem? We are both intelligent, hard working individuals with Masters Degrees, why is it so hard to get a job, keep a job, and pay our bills?

Well, first of all, it has been nearly two years since both of us were consistently employed at a full time job that paid more than minimum wage. First, I was unemployed (June 2007), then we both were (December 2007), and then I got a job (February 2008), and then Ronnie has worked on and off, nothing too long, and only one job that paid anything close to what he had been paid in the past.

When I finally got a job in February 2008, we were on the brink of losing our house. We didn't even qualify for bankruptcy (the kind you pay back and can keep your house) because we didn't have enough income. My unemployment had just run out, and Ronnie's was denied as he had quit for medical reasons. I was offered a job with the agency I am with now just in the nick of time to be able to file bankruptcy and save the house. And, pretty much my entire paycheck goes to that, we get maybe $150-$250 per pay period (twice a month) beyond what they take out of my check. But, as along as I am working here, we have roof over our heads. We might not have water or electricity for it, but we have a roof.

So why is it so hard for him to get a job when he is a teacher of all things? I hear this all the time. We all know there's a recession, and layoffs (which is why he lost his full-time position at LifeTime Fitness), but that doesn't really affect the education field, does it? Well, first of all, he had to quit Needville midyear due to his back problems. Then, he got the spinal stimulator and everything was good, but I think schools were wary to hire someone who quit midyear, even if he had a good reason. So then he works at a couple of gyms doing either personal training or operations, and that's when he got laid off due to cut backs. Couple of months later, he gets a PE job at a Houston elementary charter school. Which lasted about a month when he was fired because a kid turned her ankle playing kickball. But not before he hurt his wrist, and it is probably carpal tunnel from all the repeated rolling of balls and tossing pitches, etc. He worked one shift a week at Lifetime Fitness to keep his insurance, which wound up only screwing him when he tried to claim unemployment, as apparently the Texas Workforce Commission considers working eight hours a week "full-time" employment. We should all be so lucky.

So, now schools are hiring teachers and coaches for the 2009-2010 school year, and he's got some good chances at getting a decent position. Unfortunately, our cell phones will probably be turned off any day now, and as that is the only phone we have (plus the numbers that he has applied with), schools will not be able to contact him by phone, and it will make getting a job nearly impossible. Not to mention the other bills we can't pay. And even if he gets hired for a teaching job TODAY, we probably won't see a paycheck until SEPTEMBER.

Anyways, it is just frustrating. There are lots of resources out there for people in our situation, but the salary I get at my job makes it impossible for us to qualify for any assistance. Which is funny, because I make hardly anything, barely enough to pay our bankruptcy/mortgage payment. And it's even more frustrating when TWC tells Ronnie they are denying his benefits and they have to "save" the money for people who need it more. How can someone possibly "need it more" than we do? What an insult.

I try to keep a positive attitude. Things could always be worse, and regardless of what our current crisis is, there is a roof over our heads, and HOPE on the horizon for a better future. But, after nearly two years, it's hard to keep it up. It's hard for someone who grew up never wanting, always having enough, to constantly sacrifice the luxuries in life that I am used to. It's hard to always be begging for money with our most recent sob story, when we are so smart and talented!

It's hard when you ask your husband if he wants to pray with you, and he tells you he doesn't believe in God anymore. I believe everything happens for a reason, and you just have to make things happen, and eventually everything will work out. That's so hard to hear your husband, say, though. And I have no idea how to help him....

Contemplations of a Firewall

So last week, I was in an OUTRAGE that a firewall had been installed on our server which blocked facebook and myspace. I could deal with it as I could still access my applications through a couple of bookmarked applications. I couldn't get into my news feed or my messages, but that was ok with me as I could access those things on my cell phone, but not my applications. So, a day or two later, they must have figured out what I was doing and suddenly those links were blocked as well. I TRIED to get into twitter, and I tried to become a news junkie, and I TRIED to quit facebook cold turkey, but I just didn't have it in me. So, I spent a couple of hours looking for a proxy that worked. I finally found one, although it was slow and didn't recognize ALL the links, it worked well enough. Then, I decided to go to theonion.com, as their humor amuses me, and their news is way better than the real news. It's like The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. [Quick Tangent -- My husband discoved this week's Daily Shows were reruns Monday night, and said "I guess I'll have to watch the real news...."] Anyhow, back to theonion.com, I discovered, much to my dismay, that it had been blocked as well. For what possible purpose, I cannot say.

So, I have been coping as best I can. My ISP at home is slow, probably because it's not TECHNICALLY ours (don't tell our neighbors....), and I get frustrated. Well, today, in the middle of doing jobs on Mafia Wars, apparently our esteemed IT department has discovered the need to block proxies, so the one I WAS using no longer works. Neither do another 6 or so I have attempted. I actually have a project I am working on, so I haven't had time to test any more proxies (but yet, I seem to have time to write this blog).

But, here's the point I am trying to make -- Do they really think I will work harder now that they have blocked sites I goof off on? I'm sorry, my mind just doesn't work that way. Instead, it just takes me longer to goof off, because it takes me longer to find a site that amuses me, it takes me longer to find a proxy that work, it takes me longer to figure twitter out, and it takes me a LONG time to facebook on my cell phone (my long nails don't help, and my OCD prevents me from posting anything with typos).

Not to mention, work is not nearly as enjoyable a place to be as it used to be. Sure, the people are still awesome, for the most part, but I feel like I am wasting this perfectly good internet connection, which is so much faster than what I have at home.

I have always said that I work hard so I can goof off. Well, what's the motivation to get things done if I don't have facebook to reward myself with? And if I want to take a quick break and peruse theonion.com? Now, my breaks are twice as long trying to find a site that amuses me. I have started blogging, as that doesn't seem to be blocked (not yet at least), which surely takes more time than facebook, which is all about click click click. See? Now, I'm typing, and again my long nails are interfering and I have to go back and correct stuff.

One more point and then I will sign off.... About a year or so ago, I started using facebook instead of myspace because I recognized that myspace slows down our bladed and causes more problems (plus, I get mad when Internet Explorer crashes). I moved to facebook because it caused less problems. That was my sacrifice for the betterment of the agency.

Apparently that was not enough.....

Reflections on a different job...

During my short drive from the Richmond State School back to my office, I reflected upon the fact that I am rarely "busy" at my current job. This is, of course, keeping in the mind that it has always been nearly impossible for any supervisor I have ever had to keep me busy.

At my first "professional" job, I remember having a strong desire to be "important" to be the person who gets called whenever she is away from the office because the office simply cannot function without her. So, I worked hard, I was efficient and reliable and always ready with a new idea or willing to learn something new.

Until one day, I realized I had succeeded and was that "important" person I had always wanted to be. I didn't even realize I had done it, and I had no idea when it happened. That was when I realized what a mistake I had made. The day I had to leave my husband in the emergency room when he could not walk, in order to return to the office because they could no function without me, I realized I had made a horrible mistake. I had never intended my job to be more important than my family, but that was what my company expected from me.

Skipping the drama, and anger, and more anger, I have a new job. Well, not so new, I have been here for a 1.25 years. My strong work ethic and efficiency has already been recognized (which NEVER happened at my previous job) and I was stolen over to a pseudo-new department within six months. I work hard, I get my tasks done quickly and efficiently, but I have a lot of down time.

Today, someone mentioned to me that my supervisors send me to a particular meeting because I do not have a lot to do. I was a little hurt by this statement, as I have a lot I am responsible for, just not a lot that is going on now, and not a lot that takes up much time for me. I get quite a few "projects" (many of which I volunteer for because I know I can do them, and I know I have the time for them). This got me thinking about all of this, and wondering if I should be worried about job security and so forth. Hence the reflecting.....

I guess the point I want to make is that here at my new job, there will never be a time when there is an emergency enrollment I have to drop everything and come in in the middle of the night to do. I won't be called to an emergency Community Living Options discussion for a family. There won't be a time when I have been home for less than an hour and will be called back for an emergency, only to be yelled at by my boss the next day for simply taking care of it.

You know what? That makes me happy. Or, to quote Bret Michaels, "I likie."